


Ashamed

by Novis



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Sick Character, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-23 02:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6102364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novis/pseuds/Novis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vegard deals with a condition that he finds embarrassing. When he gets very ill, he will discover that we are often harder on ourselves than other people are on us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I chose to write this because there's a lot of ignorance out there surrounding herpes simplex virus (aka cold sores). The biggest issue is not even the sores themselves but the shame or embarrassment sufferers feel for having any type of condition stigmatized as "gross" or "nasty" such as herpes.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't know if Vegard really gets them or not. This is fiction.

For the past day or two, Vegard has been acting strange. He seems quieter than usual. He seems to be avoiding Helene—going to bed after she is already in bed and not meeting her eyes when they talk. He also has not been eating much....at the table, he usually just fiddles with a cup and drinks but does not really eat. When he is at the office, she looks through his toiletries in the bathroom closet. She knows she is wrong but she can't help it. She doesn't find condoms or notes from a mistress. She does find a bottle of Zoloft. Helene is shocked. Why would one of Norway's Kings of Comedy need antidepressants?

 

Later that night after the kids are asleep, Helene knows that she has to talk to Vegard. She sits in bed watching TV and thinking of what to say while Vegard showers. Vegard comes out of the bathroom dressed in a T-shirt and boxers. “Vegard, we need to talk,” Helene says. Vegard sighs and sits on the bed. He looks at his lap. “Vegard, what's wrong?” she says “You seem depressed and you're not eating. I found the Zoloft when I was cleaning up. And you seem to be avoiding me for the past day or two”. Vegard looks up at her shyly. He sighs and looks back down. “It is hard for me to say this,” he begins slowly. “You might think that it's dumb but it's something that has been bothering me. It's quite embarrassing!” he says softly. Helene nods. “You have to promise not to laugh at me when I tell you...it might seem petty to you, but I am embarrassed about it,” Vegard says. “I promise...if it's bothering you this much, then it is not funny!” Helene said.

 

“For the past couple of months, I have been getting cold sores quite often. A couple of years ago, I got one and it did not bother me. For some reason, they bother me more now. I get really embarrassed by them and I am getting them so often. One day I was in the bathroom at work washing my hands and I had one. I did not want to leave the bathroom...I was so ashamed. I sat in that bathroom for about 30 minutes before I was able to pull myself out of there. They probably thought I was just pooping but I really felt humiliated by the thought of going out into the world and having people stare at it. I had to literally force myself to leave that bathroom. And the whole day, I felt that the whole world was looking at it and thinking that I was gross and dirty. I never felt so ugly in my life. After that, I started to get kind of depressed about the sores. I told my doctor about the fact that I was a little depressed, but I did not tell him the whole story. And he gave me the Zoloft!”. Vegard took a deep breath and looked at Helene.

 

She simply took him in her arms and hugged him tightly. He squeezed back and relaxed into the hug.

Helene had noticed his cold sores but hadn't said anything. She did not think that they looked that bad and had no idea that they were bothering Vegard that much. Vegard always seemed like the person who never let things get to him and who never really got self conscious. “Maybe you're getting them more often due to stress—things bother you more than you admit to yourself. I do know that there's some pill you can take that stops you from getting them so often. We can call the doctor tomorrow. You will be fine. And I never thought you were dirty or nasty or anything. You are incredibly cute and handsome regardless of the sores. I don't think they look that bad at all.”

 

Vegard hugged her tighter. Helene noticed that Vegard's back felt bonier than usual. She patted his back and rubbed her hands briskly up and down his ribs. “You haven’t been eating much,” she said softly.

 

“I know,” he answered, “it hurts when I open my mouth and chew. My whole lip hurts. This one hurts worse than any one I’ve had. I don't really feel like eating”.

 

“Yeah...we really need to call the doctor. You can't keep going on like this” she said softly. Helene touched the back of Vegard's head and noticed how warm it felt. “I think you have a fever”, she said. He nodded. “Want some Paracet?” He nodded again and yawned. Helene brought him back some water, paracetamol and applesauce. He ate the applesauce, took the pill and lay down beside Helene. In minutes, he was asleep. She was shocked to see he had fallen asleep so quickly...it usually took Vegard a long time to fall asleep. She looked at his face. His dark curls fell across his face and pillow. His lashes were long and dark and his plump cheeks were flushed red from the fever. He was freshly shaven so his skin was baby smooth. The cold sore on his upper lip was an angry bright red.

 

The next morning, Helene got up to get the kids ready for school. Vegard got up to help her but he felt worse. Sometimes people got a bit of a fever with cold sores and Vegard felt hot and his muscles were sore. On top of that, the room was spinning and his head hurt. “Helene...can you do this by yourself today? I feel really bad...I need to lie down”. She nodded. After the kids were off she went to check on Vegard again. He was curled up on his side and sweat was on his brow. She brought him more Paracet which he took. About 5 minutes later, he rushes to the toilet, vomits up the pills and keeps puking every few minutes. After the last bout of vomiting, she helps Vegard get up from the bathroom floor. Vegard swayed on his feet as the room was spinning. Finally, they make it back to the bed. Vegard is burning with fever and just staring off into space. Helene called the doctor and explained everything and he said to take Vegard to the hospital.

 

Somehow, they make it to the car. Helene grabs a bucket in case he hurls again and off they go. In the hospital parking lot, Vegard starts vomiting again into the bucket. He tries to get out of the car and he knees start shaking and his legs won't carry him. Helene runs into the hospital and a nurse comes out with a wheelchair. The nurse gets Vegard into the wheelchair and everything goes black.

 

Vegard wakes up in a hospital bed. His limbs feel as though they are made of concrete and the ceiling seems to be spinning around and around. A nurse comes in and tells him that he fainted and that they are trying to find out whats wrong with him. “Does anything hurt?” the nurse asks. “My head hurts badly and so does my neck” he says. The nurse takes several tubes of blood from him. “I'll be back,” she says softly. About 10 minutes later, the nurse comes back with a kindly looking doctor. “Hi Vegard,” he says. “I want you to do something for me. We will raise the head of your bed to a sitting position. Once you are sitting up, I want to know if you can touch your chin to your chest”.

 

“Okay”, Vegard said. His voice sounded even huskier than usual. They help him sit up, and, as the doctor suspected, Vegard cannot bend his neck. When Vegard tries to bend his neck, it hurts so badly that he sees stars. “Okay,” the doctor says softly. “Because it hurts you to bend your neck, I think you have meningitis. We caught it early. We need to do a lumbar puncture on you to see what is causing the meningitis. We will be back”. With that, he leaves and the nurse lowers Vegard's bed again.

 

Vegard looks at Helene out of the corner of his eye. She is looking quite worried but she tries to smile when she catches him watching her. She holds his hand and he closes his eyes, drifting out of consciousness. Vegard opens his eyes again and sees Bård. “I called him before we left the house,” Helene explains, “I knew you weren't going to make it into the office today”. Vegard nods. Bård puts his hand on Vegard's shoulder. Vegard is actually relieved to have both his brother and his wife present. He is finding it hard to think but he is nervous about the lumbar puncture. “Bård...I'm sorry I did not come today. My head is killing me and I am so dizzy...” Bård shakes his head. “Vegard, don't worry about that. You are sick and you just need to concentrate on getting better. All of that other stuff can be dealt with by someone else.” There is a knock at the door. The doctor and nurse are back for the spinal tap.

 

The doctor has Vegard lie on his left side and tries to get him into the fetal position but his back is too stiff. The doctor then has Vegard sit up with his head and shoulders leaning forward. Bård sits at the end of Vegard's bed and Vegard leans forward onto him. Bård has his hands on Vegard's arms to keep him from falling over. The nurse puts the bed railing down and the doctor proceeds to take the needle out of the packaging. It reminds Helene of the epidural they gave her for her last childbirth but it is much longer and thicker. She looks at Vegard and his dark eyes seems as though he is watching something far away. When the needle is put in, he starts taking deep breaths and closes his eyes but he does not make any sound of pain even though it must hurt. After what seems like forever, it's over. They cover the dressing site with a large bandage and Bård helps Vegard to lie back on the bed. The nurse wipes the sweat off of Vegard's forehead and explains that he needs to be flat on his back for about 2 hours. Vegard almost laughs to himself. _Where else was he going in his condition?_ He feels someone lifting his legs and putting something soft under his knees—it must be a pillow. He drifts out of consciousness....

 

The doctor talks to Helene and Bård. “We believe it is meningitis caused by herpes simplex. Has he been getting a lot of cold sores recently?” Helene nods. “Yeah, I see he has one now. Sometimes,these viruses can inflame the outer layer of the brain and spinal cord. It can happen with mumps, HIV, certain stomach or flu viruses, genital herpes or this virus. It causes headache, vomiting, the stiff neck and fever. Patients can get very sick. Viral meningitis has a better survival rate than bacterial meningitis. But, it has to be caught early. If not, a lot of patients die or are mentally or physically disabled. Even now, we have to be very careful with him because he could have permanent side effects like seizures, brain damage or deafness. It will take a few weeks for him to recover and he will need plenty of rest. I also am getting the nurse to start him on intravenous acyclovir to help with the virus. When he is released, he will probably have to take the oral Valtrex or acyclovir long term for awhile so these sores don't keep flaring up.”

 

“I get cold sores sometimes too,” Bård said, “I had no idea they could be so dangerous”. The doctor nodded, “Yes, it is pretty rare to get complications like this. Has he been under any extra stress lately?”. Bård and Helene shake their heads. Dealing with the talk show and kids is no more stress than usual....for both brothers. Besides, Vegard liked what he was doing....didn't he? Well perhaps the stress was emotional rather than physical...Vegard was not the type to talk about things that bother him.

 

The doctor was talking again. “His blood pressure is very low and his pulse is weak. We are giving him oxygen and fluids in addition to the acyclovir,” the doctor states this and leaves. When Helene and Bård enter Vegard's room again, he is hooked up to more machines....more stuff. His eyes were closed and he looked very small lying in the bed. Bård takes Vegard's hand gently. Vegard opens his eyes and smiles weakly. “At least Vegard's personality doesn't seem to be affected,” Bård thinks, “but what if it gets worse? Where do we go from here?”


	2. Time Lost

Vegard sleeps for a few hours after the test. When he wakes up, the lights (which have been dimmed a little) still hurt his eyes. He just lies there for awhile. His head and neck don't feel as bad. But, that's probably due to the pain killers they put in his IV. He moves his hand and notices a clip on his finger that's monitoring his pulse. He notices an IV in the back of that same hand. There are also bandages in several places on that arm. They must have had some problems getting a good vein because he was so dehydrated. His back is sore where they did the spinal tap and also the back of his legs are sore which is weird. But, it's just been a few hours since the test. So, he thinks that is to be expected. But, his brain feels too foggy to dwell on that now and his nose is itchy from the oxygen cannula. He rests on the bed for a bit.

The door opens and a round faced middle aged nurse with glasses peeks in. She looks at him with a surprised face. “Oh my...you're awake!” she says. She goes and gets the doctor and they both come over to Vegard. “You had us worried there for awhile” the doctor said. Vegard tries to say something but his tongue feels huge. “After the spinal thing I slept for a few hours....I was sooo tired!” he finally croaks. The doctor and nurse look at each other. “No, it's been 48 hours since that test”, the doctor stated, “You were in and out of consciousness. You would make noises sometimes. Sometimes you would talk in your sleep. Your oxygen levels were too low so we put this on you”, the doctor said pointing at the cannula. Vegard blinked. He is too tired and stunned to say anything. They take his temperature and examine him. “Your oxygen levels are better now, so I will take this cannula off,” the doctor said. “You are still running a fever though, which worries me. Do you have any pain?”

“My back where they stuck me...and the back of my legs,” Vegard said softly. The doctor nodded and he and the nurse turn Vegard over on his side and check the site. The area around the site is very bruised. “The legs aching is sometimes a side effect. But that should go away soon. You have a very bad bruise here on your back, but that happens sometimes too. We will put something cold on it okay?” Vegard murmurs in agreement. The nurse leaves and comes back and fixes Vegard's back up with the cold compress. She helps him get in a comfortable position and then puts a light blanket on him. Vegard sighed. “Thank you” he said softly. The nurse smiled, “We're glad you're doing a little better. People were quite worried about you.” Vegard wants to say something back to her but his eyes feel heavy and he closes them.

His family have been in contact with the hospital the entire time Vegard has been in. They are called with the good news that Vegard is no longer unconscious and he does not seem to have suffered brain damage. He can speak and seems to be able to understand things....he is just very slow and weak which is to be expected. He can still hear and his vision is unaffected. Viral meningitis is not as bad as bacterial meningitis but both can mess a person up.

Vegard's thoughts drift to _I Kveld Med Ylvis_. “ _I wonder what they are doing without me? I wonder what's going on? Are they mad that I've left the work on them?”_ A nurse comes in to help him bathe and change his underwear and gown. “How long have I been here?” he asks. “Three days” she answers. “Do you know when I can leave?” he looks at her with huge bronze eyes. “I really don't know to be honest,” she says. She sees the disappointed look on his face and then adds, “You've been very ill and you're still quite sick. You cannot even sit up without help. We don't know if you can even keep food down because you haven't eaten in days. Your blood pressure is very low too. We need to give it time. Even when you get out of here, you will have to take it easy for awhile. Try not to worry. The world won't collapse if you are out of commission for awhile.” Vegard nodded but his mind was still a bit uneasy. He had a good idea for a new sketch before the nurse came in and now he couldn't remember it...

A little after his bath, they gave Vegard some pudding to eat. He felt no hunger which was really strange for him, but he ate the pudding anyway. About halfway through the cup, he began to get overly full, so he set the cup down. About 20 minutes later, he started feeling nauseous again. He sat up quickly to grab the plastic pan sitting by his knees. The quick movement hurt his sore back. The pudding came back up and left him gagging and retching. The act of sitting up so fast and vomiting seemed to have started his headache again. The nurses found him vomiting up yellow bile on top of the pudding in the plastic pan. They helped him clean out his mouth. One of the nurses left to get him a shot of phenergan for the nausea. Vegard feels drained and depressed as the nurse jams the shot into his already sore backside. If he can't keep down food that isn't even solid, how can he get out of here?

Bård came to see Vegard during visiting hours. When he enters the room, Vegard's bed is in a sitting position and he is under several blankets. He does look better than he did the day that he was admitted. He looks more well rested and the lines around his eyes have relaxed and softened. Bård leans over Vegard and hugs him. Vegard puts his free arm around Bård's neck and rests his head again Bård's. Vegard's head still feels very warm to Bård in spite of the medicine he knows must be in that IV. “You look younger,” Bård said jokingly, “A few days of rest in here have done you good”. Vegard smiled a little. Bård noticed how thin Vegard looked under the blanket. He had lost weight in recent years, but he looked even smaller than usual today. “Are you able to eat now?” Bård asked. Vegard told him about the pudding incident. “If I can't even keep anything down, they aren't going to let me out of here,” he said. “I feel so bad leaving all of the work for the show on the rest of you.” Bård patted Vegard's knee. “Don't worry about that. We've got everything under control. Everyone was very concerned for you. You just need to worry about getting better. As long as we know you are not going to dy...well you know....as long as you're doing okay, then we're doing okay. Everyone loves you....the fans love you...I love you!” Bård declared in an uncharacteristic show of affection. Vegard started crying. Bård didn't say anything...he just hugged him until he stopped sobbing. Vegard sniffed, laughed a little and said “I know you're going to tell everybody that I cried in here like a little girl”. But Bård didn't laugh at all. “Some things are not meant to be joked about. Vegard, I've been thinking about some things. Did I ever offend you when I joked about your coloring or height or being chubby?”

“When we first started out, the height and weight jokes stung. But, I figured it was just a joke, making fun of stuff is our career and I didn't let it get to me,” Vegard said softly. “Well, I am sorry that I hurt your feelings at all. You are very handsome and you're not fat. You have a nice body actually...you were never scrawny like I was and you were never a fat man,” Bard said. Vegard smiled a little. Bard continued, “And also, I want to talk to you about that bus pass incident. I am sorry I embarrassed you on national TV like that. At the time, I thought it was just a funny prank. But, even though you were a kid, you told me that in confidence and I shouldn't have betrayed that. You are a grown man and the decision to tell mom or to not tell her should've been your decision. I am sorry. My wife saw the show and said you had tears in your eyes when you realized what I had done and that you would then have to tell mom. I realized then that I fucked up, but I didn't know how to say it! I should've stop trying to hold onto my pride and just apologized!” Vegard looked at his lap and a few more tears slid down his beautiful cheeks. “Yeah, the Turk jokes don't bother me, but that....that _did_ hurt. I felt like I had been punched in the chest when you did that. I was so embarrassed!"

“I am so sorry! I know I cannot easily make up for a betrayal, but whatever you need to recover when you get out of here is yours. I really have been a little shit in many ways and I _do_ want you to get well. I see how nice you are to people you don't even know like fans and even Gabriel. You are a good person Vegard and I am glad you are my brother!” Bård stated. Vegard nodded, “I accept your apology”, he said and took Bård's hand. “You've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I was unconscious but your brain was working overtime!” Vegard laughed. The brothers talked for a long time. When Bård noticed that Vegard was starting to look pale and drained, he offered to leave. But Vegard did not want him to go. He asked Bård to stay until he drifted off to sleep. He sat beside Vegard's bed in the big comfy chair and took his free hand. The hand was very cold. He reclined the bed and pulled the blankets up. Vegard was snoring softly in no time. Bård realized that he too felt quite tired. At the end of visiting time, the nurse was coming to tell Bård that it was time for him to go because Vegard needed to rest. But, when she arrived, she found Bård slumped over face first on Vegard's bed. Vegard's hand was on Bård's head and they both seemed peaceful. She left figuring if Vegard was sleeping, then that was the important thing.

Vegard had more ups and downs in the hospital. His oxygen levels were okay and his lumbar puncture site stopped hurting. But, sometimes his temperature seemed to be getting better and then it would spike too high. It seemed as though his blood pressure and pulse were normalizing and then they would get wonky again. It took awhile for him to be able to keep down anything and then it was only soft foods like farina or applesauce. Just walking to the bathroom would tired him out but his personality seemed in tact and he could hear, see and understand things. After a week in the hospital on antivirals and other intravenous meds, the doctors agreed to release Vegard. He was given prescriptions for pain and nausea. He was also given the antiviral meds in pill form. He was supposed to take them daily for 3 months, then they might wean him off or continue with them if he had no side effects. Vegard was also warned that he could have a relapse if his brain did not heal completely. He was supposed to rest and be off work for another 3 weeks. Vegard agreed and Bård was there when the doctor said that. So Vegard could not lie to Bård and return to work too soon and have a relapse. Vegard's wife came to get him late in the morning. The sun touched his face for the first time in a week as the nurse wheeled him to his wife's car. Vegard felt at peace for the first time in a while.


	3. The Warm Bed

Vegard feels strange sitting in the passenger side of the car. It has been a while since he was in the land of the living. Helene had put a throw blanket on his legs and he wrapped himself up in it. It wasn't a particularly cold day, but he felt chilled. They stopped to get his medicines at the pharmacy. Vegard closed his eyes and rested in the passenger seat while his wife was in the store. As they head home, Vegard asks her, “What did you tell everyone was wrong with me? I mean the press and the people at TVNorge? Do they know the whole story of what caused it?”

  
“Well, Bård knows because he was there when they told us what they thought was causing the meningitis. But, for everyone else, we just told them you had meningitis from a virus. For all they know, it could've been flu or some stomach bug or anything” she said. Vegard nodded. “Thank you”, he said simply. “Vegard, did I ever say anything to make you so embarrassed about having herpes on your mouth?” she asked, “Did I ever hurt your feelings about it?” She noticed that he didn't share food with the kids when he had an outbreak and he was careful to keep his towels and washcloths separate so she didn't need to bring it up. He didn't try to kiss her or the kids when he had an outbreak so he was being careful about spreading it even though he would act like it didn't exist otherwise. He had never acted like he was embarrassed about the sores and didn't really try to avoid pictures when he had them. Well, in his business, there was no way to really avoid cameras anyway.

  
“No, you haven't Helene,” he said softly. “It's my issue. I just figured that they didn't look so bad and I would try to ignore them. But one day at the office, I was looking at pictures of myself from some radio interview and I had an outbreak on my top lip and it just looked horrible. I went online on an anonymous message board for some medical advice and people were so rude about it. They said that people who have cold sores are nasty and got them from going down on a lot of people and stupid comments like that. I mean, I know logically that they were just ignorant but it still hurt. And from there, I guess it grew into a mental complex. I felt dirty and ugly whenever I got one and probably me stressing about it made me get even more! ” Vegard laughed a little, “I guess you probably think a 30-something man should be able to get over it but it's like it grew into a mental thing and took on a life of its own. Weird huh?”

  
Helene patted Vegard's knee, “Feelings can't really be controlled. I guess you're actually more sensitive than either of us realized. People on the internet say all kinds of things they won't say in real life. People can be really mean online. I'm sorry they hurt your feelings. But even with a cold sore I bet you look better than 99% of those idiots that made the comments. And with the medicine that they have you on, you won't get as many and they won't be as bad. It could be a year before you get another one...if then. You will be fine. You are very cute Vegard. Even after a week in the hospital, you look like a little curly haired angel. I know it's easier said than done, but try to not worry about things”.

  
Vegard smiled and rested his head against the car seat. “Thanks for being so understanding. And thanks also for getting me to the hospital when I got so sick. If I was alone, I probably would've just choked on my own vomit and died.” Helene shudders at that thought and pats Vegard's knee again. Then, they arrive at the house. The oldest two kids are at school and the youngest is with an aunt until later that evening. Vegard wanted to take a bath. Helene asked if he needed any help but he said that he needed to start moving around more and doing more things for himself. It took him much longer than it normally would have because he was still sick and weak. But, he took his time and rested when he needed to and then continued shaving his beard and grooming himself. When he left the bathroom, he was dressed in nothing but his boxers and a thin cotton shirt. Helene was sitting on the bed reading. She could not help noticing his body. His nipples stood out like pencil erasers in the thin top and although he had lost weight from his ordeal, he still had that nice firm round ass. Vegard just smiled at her blankly and sat down beside her asking, “Is there anything on TV?” Helene had to stifle a laugh. Vegard was still Vegard—as clueless as ever about how good he looked and the effect he had on people.

  
She ended up turning on some documentary for him. It was time for him to take his medicine so she made him some muesli to eat. He took his pills and they both relaxed for awhile. He moved closer to her on the bed and put his head in her lap. Vegard usually gave off a lot of body heat but today he felt a little cold. She pulled the blankets closer around him. She looked down at him. He looked very pale and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. “You should sleep”, she said softly. “You're right,” he said, “I feel drained already. They were right when they said how much time I would need to recover. But, I need to upload a video or something to let the fans know that I am okay. Also, I am trying to think up some ideas for the show that don't involve me jumping around or moving around too much.” “You can do that later today after you've rested a little bit,” Helene said. Vegard yawned and closed his eyes. His long lashes fluttered as his wife stroked his hair. Vegard made a sound not unlike a content house cat and drifted off peacefully.


End file.
